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50 shades set up

First of all---I could go all day with this 50 Shades of Grey phenomena.  I do love how it serves as a great Bachelorette theme, but it works just as well for women who aren’t about to exchange nuptials.  Great segue for a Pure Romance party, a 50th birthday party, anniversary or just an excuse to get banged up on a random Thursday.  I also like spin-offs---I’m all about puns so if you wish to deviate from the true outline---here are a few suggestions:

  • 50 Shades of Spray (spray tan party)
  • 50 Shades of Hay (farm to table)
  • 50 Shades of Ray (Ray Charles night)
  • 50 Shades of Fey (Tina Fey bender)
  • 50 Shades of Dre (who doesn’t love Dr. Dre?)
  • 50 Shades of Lei (Hawaiian themed)
  • 50 Shades of Whey (For you health nuts)
  • 50 Shades of Bombay (Gin, please)
  • 50 Shades of Sorbet (okay---I’m digging deep on that one)
  • The following foods are considered an aphrodisiac because they apparently resemble the female genitals:  oysters, clams and figs (yes, figs when they are sliced)
  • These resemble the male genitals:  bananas, sausage, carrots and avocados (yes—avocado comes from the Aztec word testicles due to resemblance)

However, if you intend to stay true to form and are a trilogy junkie than here are some clever additions to your little soiree.  Incorporate any of these items to truly set the ambiance.  Let me connect the dots on some foods before we get into menu ideas:

I—for one don’t favor getting my a*s kicked during sex, but can see how the entire domination-submissive thing can have it’s merits.  I think adding any or all of these items to your party will really make it a banger!

Bar:

Grey Goose 

Jell-O-Shots (Anastasias legs turn to Jell-O when she’s near her man) 

Cosmopolitan (C’mon---mandatory)

50 Shades of Grey wine (sold everywhere—handcuffs not included)

bar photos

 

Food:

Steamy Clams (I won’t even consider a man who hates clams)

Guacamole (think Aztec testicles)

Beef Wellington (remember Anastasia ate it for the first time)

Sausage or Bratwurst (not in the book---but, the shape goes with the theme)

Fish Taco’s (this needs no explanation) 

food pictures

 

Desserts:

Vanilla Ice Cream (Christian has never had vanilla sex)

Crème Brulee (The Crème seems to fit, along with the vanilla)

Pancakes (Anastasia ate a sh*t ton of pancakes in the book)

dessert pictures

 

I truly think a party with this theme will be a huge success---such a fun night out for women to get together---plan it today---hope we dished out some good ideas for all you goddesses!

Decorations:

Throw in some lingerie, Pure Romance lubricants, handcuffs and whips.  Throw in a few grey ties available at any dollar store, whips or thick ribbon to resemble the bondage aspect of the whole trilogy.  Contact Camille for invitations to coordinate.  I love these little signs with quotes from the book---in case, you don’t remember any good ones here are a few:  I want you sore baby, never trust a man who can dance, because I can and of course….Laters, baby!

Misty and Camille

party images

Thank you:  greygoose.com; forkful of flavor (Jell-O shots); popsugar.com (wine); Hungry Goddess (clams); California Avocado (guac); chow.com (beef wellington); Once Upon a Chef (fish tacos); Cooking Channel TV (brats); food network (crème brulee and pancakes); Life in Yellow (cute elevator sign); Pure Romance (Grey Collection)

50 shades invite

MATCH MADNESS

Yes—I’ve done a few stints on match.com.  In case you haven’t been afforded this privilege allow me to share a few thoughts on the matter:

I DO NOT want to see pictures of your pets—I got it—you aren’t Michael Vick, your fluffy dog isn’t who I plan to date.

I DO NOT want to see your car, or motorcycle or boat or whatever motorized item you own.

I want to vomit when I see a picture of your feet at a beach or a pool---what is that about anyhow?

I DON'T want to read your favorite biblical passages—go on Christian Mingle!!

DON’T send me a wink or a like or a favorite—you are an adult male—send me an email---geez.

I DO want to see a terrorist style picture of you holding a newspaper so I know the picture is current.

I DO want to know your true height.

I DO want an accurate description of your physique---every man on that site is “athletic and toned” even though the photos I see don’t match that description.

I DO want someone to create a “date escape” app that will allow me a quick getaway when I sit across from a man who looks like the Father of the man I agreed to meet.

I’m glad I got that off my chest---with that said, I will admit I met a number of really great men during my tenure.  At one point I was going hard in the paint—lining up as many dates as I could.  A woman could probably eat 3 meals a day for free for a mere $20 a month if she could stomach all the crazy encounters.  At one point I would joke with my friends that I created a “match” bracket---wanting to see who could make the Final Four.  So, in the spirit of this Match Madness, I thought it would serve as a good segue to a post about a MARCH MADNESS party.  Women love to throw parties and attend parties---men need sports involved to make it desirable.  So, here are a few ideas I have for you to HOST a fun MARCH MADNESS event.

  • Invitations:  send before March 15th.  The printable brackets will be available that evening.  Invite your guests to fill out a bracket online to add a competitive element to your party.
  • Date:  the Final For games will be played on Saturday, April 4, 2015. (4/4/2015).  I think this is the ideal date for a party---it’s a Saturday and 2 games will be played.
  • Games—trivia is always fun.  Here is one I created that is quick and fun. 

NCAA to NBA

Oscar Robertson

Shaq Daddy

Anthony Davis

Magic Johnson

Andrew Wiggins

Bill Walton

Kyrie Irving

Tim Duncan

Austin Carr

Allen Iverson

Chris Webber

Blake Griffin

John Wall

These revered NBA players went to college for at least one year and were then drafted #1 overall into the NBA.  Name the college they came from.

Answers can be found on:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_first_overall_NBA_draft_picks

  • Menu ideas:  I like to utilize a “play on words” for these types of events.  This can be done with basketball terms as seen in these photos or by making little labels for foods that take a spin from a player’s name.  Your guests will be so impressed with your basketball knowledge.

SHAQ SNACKS (SHAQUILLE O'NEAL)

cheese-balls-in-basketball

 

LBJ-PBJ (LEBRON JAMES)

lbj-pbj

 

 

KOBE BEEF SLIDERS (KOBE BRYANT)

KOBE SLIDERS

 

 

CURRY CHICKEN (STEPH CURRY)

 

Mango-chicken curry final

 

 

DUNCAN DONUT CAKE (TIM DUNCAN)

 

DONUTHOLE CAKE

 

 

BASKETBALL TERMS

march-madness-basketball-party-snacks

 

 

DECORATIONS

pizza-bball net

 

bball centerpiece

 

basketball cut in half

 

Thank you:  A Big Story (Shaq snack and basketball cut in half); Lovely Events (centerpiece); Recipe bridge (Kobe sliders); Dinner A Love Story (Donuthole cake); Reel Flavor (PBJ); Homemaking Hacks (pizza-net server); Simone made it (printable basketball tags)

Raising the Bar for Super Bowl XLIV 

Okay---we missed the Super Bowl---but, this is still funny and applies to just about any party you would have---like maybe an Oscar's event or casual dinner for High school dance pictures---

AFC vs. NFC doesn’t have to mean KFC

 

Seriously, I’m older than the number of Super Bowls that have been played?  Really---Really??

Before I give you a “host” of ideas for the Super Bowl party you are planning or attending I feel compelled to share with the clichés and catch phrases that annoy me to no-end in the sports world.  

  • “They left it all out on the field”:  What exactly did they leave and can they get it back?
  • “Physicality”:  Somewhere Stephen A. Smith is using this word in some capacity.  I actually had to confirm it was indeed a word, because it looks wrong, sounds wrong and just is wrong!!!
  • Adding the word “gate” to every scandal:  Spy-gate, Bounty-gate and now Deflate-gate.  For the record the original term Watergate was not a scandal about water---it was a complex in Washington D.C.  If used in the 2015 context it would have to be deemed Watergate-gate.
  • “We’re taking it one game at a time”:  Wimps---you mean you can’t play two games at once?
  • “To your point”:  If I did a shot of alcohol for every time this was said in a pre-game telecast I’d be passed out cold before the game started.

I could go all day but, at the end of the day it won’t make a difference.  I traditionally host a Super Bowl party and serve foods that represent each team.  However, a friend of mine reminded me most people seek convenience on this coveted day so I decided to go another route that I believe will raise the bar for your guests and guarantee your party is a success—Bar-None!!

Bar-None Beverages

SBBloodyMary

Bloody Mary Bar:  Provide instructions on a chalkboard or window frame. Start with a variety of pre-made Bloody Mary mixes (even Clamato), Vodkas (maybe a lime vodka or peppered), celery stalks, pickles, pickled okra, olives, horseradish, Tabasco, Worcestershire, salt, pepper and even some beer. 

SBmoscowmule

Moscow Mule Bar:  (I highly suggest you rent the copper mugs if you want authenticity—oddly affordable and you have the convenience of just packing them up and sending them back without the hassle of cleaning them.  However, and bourbon glass or mug will suffice.)  Instructions are a must:  Squeeze a quartered lime wedge in the mug.  Fill with ice.  Add 2 shots of your favorite vodka and top with Ginger Beer.  Your guests will love them.

SBMimosa

Mimosa Bar:  For those who have to work the next day.  Champagne glasses at the start of the bar.  Fruit selections to drop in the glass with a variety of fruit juices to splash in with the Champagne.  Cheers!!

 

Bar-None Foods

SBMashedPotato

Mashed Potato Bar:  Make a vat of Mashed potatoes and line up an array of toppings, including but not limited to:  Popcorn chicken (check the freezer aisle), shredded cheese, corn, bacon, green onion, sour cream and last---but, not least---gravy!!!  

SBHotDog

Hot Dog Bar:  No one can resist a variety of hot dogs, brats, kielbasi’s,

Smokedand/or Italian sausages.  Especially when it comes with a DIY concept.  The toppings are infinite, but I will list a few I feel are a must:  onions, chili, cheese, sauerkraut, tomatoes, pickles, relish, chopped cabbage, peppers, bacon, salsas and pickled ginger.  Don’t limit the condiments to the simple traditional.  Go hard or go home people.  Ketchup, yellow mustard, Bertman’s ballpark brown mustard, horseradish, horsey sauce, Sriracha, Yum-Yum sauce, Tabasco, balsamic glaze, pesto and even wasabi. 

SBPastaBar

 

 

Pasta Bar:  I suggest 3 noodle types to choose from like a penne, linguine and maybe a bow tie, but you make the call.  A few sauces to mix and match.  I suggest a red sauce, Alfredo sauce, a seafood sauce and a meat or sausage sauce.  Don’t forget the grated cheese and pepper flakes to top it off!!!

SBNachoBar

 

Nacho-Average Snack Bar:  Build your own nachos.  Large basket or bowl of mixed nacho chips followed by all the fixings:  chicken or beef, cheese, lettuce, onions, jalapeno’s, sour cream, salsas, refried beans, pinto beans, corn and guacamole.  This is almost a must-have at any party involving sports.

 

Bar-None Sweets

SBSmores

 

S’mores Bar:  Sterno’s make this possible to do inside.  Get extravagant with lavish toppings---or go old school with the time-tested graham crackers, marshmallows, Hershey’s chocolate.  Skewered the marshmallow and heat with the sterno flame----you know the rest!!!

SBPopcorn

 

Popcorn Bar:  Pop it yourself or drive up the road to get a mix of flavors.  They make popcorn in so many flavors I cannot keep up.  Regardless, everyone loves popcorn---especially during game time!

Thanks to the following for use of their gorgeous displays:  The Sweetest Occasion (bloody mary); Angelo Aurelio Photography (Moscow Mule); Pretty Mayhem (Mimosa Bar); Short stop Blog (mashed potato bar); Rachel Ray (hot dog bar); BB Pasta Bar; Vixen Made (S'mores bar) and Wedding Thingz (Popcorn bar)